Wait—this machine is making living animals out of food? We’ve already got machines to make animals INTO food. That’s like making a baby out of a skeleton!
I’m not surprised, though. This is the same machine that threw giant pies at the faces of our founding fathers on Mount Rushmore, and yet neglected to throw any pies at the faces of Stonewall Jackson, Robert E. Lee, and Jefferson Davis carved into the side of Stone Mountain, Georgia. Racist-ass food machine. I bet it’s like, “Some of my best foods are black!”
One of my friends once told me the first time he ever saw women flashing at a concert was at a They Might Be Giants show at Stone Mountain. That seems like an odd venue to go topless at. Showing your breasts at a They Might Be Giants show is like twerking for Ira Glass at a live taping of This American Life (although I’m sure Torey Malatia would be happy to make it rain, what with all the WBEZ management oversight he provides).
I wonder if Robert E. Lee and his redneck buddies saw a lot of Civil War boobs when they were alive and not stone carvings. Either way, your boob-seeing days are over, Confederate dream team! Hope you made the best of it while you were alive.
How many boobs (Northern or Southern) do you think Robert E. Lee saw, in his lifetime? Do you think he saw more than the members of They Might Be Giants? They’re still alive, playing shows, and have access to the internet, so they probably got him beat.
Wouldn’t be the first time a bunch of yankees got the best of ol’ Robert E. Lee. I do think if we’re tallying up boobs seen over a person’s lifetime, They Might Be Giants should at least have to see them in person to beat Lee’s high score. Or low score? Wikipedia doesn’t have a “boobs seen” section for Robert E. Lee, oddly enough.
Who do you think will be the the last woman in human history to flash her breasts at a Stone Mountain concert? Will Jefferson Davis’s cracker ass be there? In the form of a big chunk of carved quartz, I mean.
If a living Jefferson Davis is present at the end of the world, that can only mean one thing: the racist food machine from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 finally figured out how to make Confederate presidents out of tacos, and is preparing to wipe out humanity by taking over the Earth Planet of the Apes-style (Planet of the Crêpes?). Oh, looks like Obama is conspicuously absent from your new society, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 food machine. Guess we know what your “new world order” is all about. In theaters September 27th.