Tag Archives: Write Club Atlanta

Nick & Myke’s #2: The Apocalypse Will Be Sponsored

Nick & Myke’s #2: The Apocalypse Will Be Sponsored

Myke Johns and Nick Tecosky are the producers of WRITE CLUB Atlanta. In an ill-conceived bid to remain hip and relevant and also to vent their anger and bile at people who actually are hip and relevant, they have devoted themselves to reviewing the #2 hit on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.

For the week of February 3rd, the #2 hit on the Billboard charts is:

pitbull

MYKE

I’m sure there are a lot of pop songs about things falling down, but for some reason the first one that comes to mind is Fergie’s “London Bridge.” The only thing I remember from that song is a really loud drum beat and a million autotuned Fergies shouting about their London Bridges going down whenever I come around, wondering why that was, and suggesting through context that she rather liked it. That’s all I remember: drums, voice and that stupid chorus forever seared into my memory, probably in place of some cherished childhood memory.

Imperial Trouble Episode 95: A Cape Fantastic

Imperial Trouble Episode 95: A Cape Fantastic

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In this week’s episode, Bunny tells a Dave Coulier story, and Izzy, the official mascot of the Atlanta 1996 Summer Olympics, is revealed to be bullshit. Other topics include Betty Boop’s enormous head.

Guest hosts: Nicholas Tecosky, Myke Johns, and Bunny McIntosh.

Rocky And The Girl Who Looked Like Huckleberry Finn: What I Think Of When I Think Of Madness

Rocky And The Girl Who Looked Like Huckleberry Finn: What I Think Of When I Think Of Madness

This essay was originally written and performed for Write Club Atlanta, a monthly competitive writing event.

When I think of madness, I think of a girl I once dated who looked like Huckleberry Finn. Right off the bat, let me clarify that I wasn’t thinking, “She looks like she’d subvert the racial intolerance of a bygone era with the power of friendship. I gotta’ put my dick in that!” By which I mean, put my dick in the power of friendship, not in racial intolerance. Nobody wants to fuck a racist. And it wasn’t some kind of Mark Twain sex thing. Though I did want to put my Connecticut Yankee in her King Arthur’s court. She just had this kind of freckly androgynous thing going on.

Brave

Brave

In which Jason and Myke Johns of Mice in Cars and Write Club Atlanta discuss the trailer for Brave.

J: My friend left his Atlanta Braves hat in my messenger bag over the weekend. They say when you take another man’s hat, you steal his power. Who says this? Hatters, mostly. Or people who keep important documents in their hats. If you keep your birth certificate and social security card in your hat, and someone steals that hat off your head, like a grifter on a fire escape, or a more experienced grifter’s monkey (who belongs to a grifter who’s sick of waiting around on fire escapes until someone with a hat full of valuable paperwork walks by), then that is a classic case of hat-power theft.

The Avengers

The Avengers

In which Jason and Nick Tecosky of Write Club Atlanta discuss the trailer for The Avengers.

J: Is Robert Downey Jr. going to wear that Black Sabbath shirt through the whole movie? Because if having a heart problem and wearing T-shirts with metal bands from the 70’s on them is all it takes, the Avengers might want to recruit my stepdad. I noticed that Iron Man seems really pleased to have The Hulk on the Avengers team. I don’t think anybody has been this proud to have a guy in jean shorts by his side since George Michael started Wham!.

Everyone Has A Wheel: In Defense Of Summer
gotham2

Everyone Has A Wheel: In Defense Of Summer

This essay was originally written and performed for Write Club Atlanta, a monthly competitive writing event. 

Everyone has a wheel.

For some people, the wheel is a grindstone, an oppressive force pushing them down into the dirt as it turns, squeezing the air out of their lungs as it spins against their back. For others, the wheel is a puppy in a velour tracksuit, massaging their shoulders with a tender professionalism, because it is a certified massage therapist in addition to being a soft, wiggly puppy. And for some, their wheel is a grindstone in a velour tracksuit that dropped out of massage school to become a cashier at Target, a place notorious for not giving massages.

Imperial Trouble Episode 58: Part Two of WRITE CLUB Atlanta with Myke Johns & Nicholas Tecosky

Imperial Trouble Episode 58: Part Two of WRITE CLUB Atlanta with Myke Johns & Nicholas Tecosky

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Sam and Jason are joined by Myke Johns and Nicholas Tecosky for part two of our WRITE CLUB Atlanta episode. Topics include dealing with writer’s block, Edgar Allan Poe, theories about alternate timelines in Back to the Future, and our ideas about time travel. Selections from WRITE CLUB Atlanta are read. Part one found here.

Imperial Trouble Episode 56: Myke Johns & Nicholas Tecosky of WRITE CLUB Atlanta

Imperial Trouble Episode 56: Myke Johns & Nicholas Tecosky of WRITE CLUB Atlanta

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Sam and Jason are joined by Myke Johns and Nicholas Tecosky of WRITE CLUB Atlanta for part one of a two part episode. Topics include notorious Atlanta strip club The Clermont Lounge, Bill Murray’s suitability as Batman, Jason’s George Takei story, Kurt Vonnegut, and Blade Runner. Selections from WRITE CLUB Atlanta are read.

Scene Missing Episode 3: The Rift, The Secret World of Arrietty, This Means War, The Grey, and The Hunger Games

Scene Missing Episode 3: The Rift, The Secret World of Arrietty, This Means War, The Grey, and The Hunger Games

Write Club Atlanta Consigliere Myke Johns and Viceroy Nick Tecosky guest. Topics include upcoming films The RiftThe Secret World of ArriettyThis Means WarThe Grey, and the teaser trailer for The Hunger Games. Nick tells an audition story and a comedian is compared favorably to a dying sun.

These Kardashians Of The Universe: A Case For Free Will
freewill

These Kardashians Of The Universe: A Case For Free Will

This essay was originally written and performed for Write Club Atlanta, a monthly competitive writing event.

Okay, so I’m here to defend free will. A lot of people have tried to crush free will throughout history, mostly so they could have more sex or live in bigger houses. In fact, if someone is trampling any of your rights, there’s usually a guy in a mansion who wants a bigger mansion at the top of the rights-crushing pyramid. Maybe with bikini girls dancing around his pool. Of course, going by that logic, MC Hammer in his video “Pumps and a Bump” wants to crush your free will more than Idi Amin ever could.

Free will is one of the most prized aspects of the human experience, and many have risen to defend it when it is threatened— Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Mel Gibson in Braveheart, Captain Crunch versus the soggies. And yes, I equate freedom with free will. If they are not the same cupcake, then one is surely the frosting and the other is the spongy cake beneath.

But I also think it’s free will’s fault we’re stuck on this planet. It’s right there in our origin story, if you were to count the bible as our origin story. At the very least, it’s an origin story. Of course, Batman’s parents getting shot is an origin story too, but you don’t see anyone starting a holy war over Batman except on internet message boards.

Anyway, free will being to blame for us being marooned here on Earth. You’ve got Adam and Eve, you’ve got the forbidden fruit, the knowledge of good and evil, etc., and so on. And of course the serpent, the devil with his forked tongue, because he’s a snake, the sorting hat putting him in Slytherin. Actually, there’s some Harry Potter fan fiction for you. The devil goes to Hogwart’s, gets under the Sorting Hat and the Sorting Hat yells, “Hufflepuff!” Next thing you know Professor Sprout is wearing dark eye makeup and having orgies.

Now let’s take the biblical story of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden as a metaphor for whatever intelligent life predated our current existence. An actual paradise full of alien life somewhere else on the other side of the universe, some other dimension, who knows. What we do know is they have free will and they’ve managed to make it work. Lush meadows, hoverships, iPads, rivers of chocolate run by Gene Wilder and no one ever, ever, ever talks or text messages in a movie theater after the trailers begin.

And let’s say these perfect creatures, these Kardashians of the universe, they invent a new form of life in their image. Similar in shape and appearance, but like children, innocent. Mouths hanging open at the wonders around them, like when you see a framed commemorative Dale Earnhardt “The Intimidator” plate at a gas station. And this new form of life, these humans, they don’t know what bad is. They don’t even know they have the choice to do bad.

So Satan, or the Morning Star, or Steve Jobs- whatever you want to call him, he exercises his own free will to give the human race a magnificent, awful gift. The same ability to choose that everyone else in the garden has. But as soon as he lifts the veil from their eyes, there’s going to be trouble. Violence, war, slavery, injustice, T.G.I. Friday’s, lapdances where the stripper doesn’t really seem that into you, the Star Wars prequels- all of these horrible things are on the table now. Suddenly, the human race has terrible, nightmarish options.

And these beautiful, wise Yoda-like aliens (or maybe just the old man with the white beard, I’m not ruling anything out), they must have looked around and seen what was coming. All the centuries of famine and brutality to come as mankind learns to keep his balance on the world’s most dangerous bicycle. And they probably said, “We’ve got to get these humans the fuck off our planet.”

So they put us here eons ago. Quarantined. Every other planet, star or black hole as hostile to our survival as the corner of Ponce and Monroe.  Absolutely no chance of us stumbling onto other intelligent life and finding out what they taste like, because let’s face it- if you’re another sentient creature on this planet and you can’t dial a telephone or pass the Iowa Test of Basic Skills we’ll probably try to turn you into food at some point.

All of that having been said, I still believe free will is the best thing that ever could have happened to us. Those wise old aliens, they probably had to be marooned on a rock for millions of years before they worked out the secret to making daiquiris actually taste like what suntan lotion smells like and making polyamorous marriages work in practice and not just on paper. Maybe once we’ve dropped the training wheels and figured it all out (world peace, jetpacks), they’ll welcome us back with open arms to the Garden of Eden. And then we will open fire with the laser guns that we’ve built into our fingertips. And it will have been our choice to have done so, thanks to our most wonderful quality— free will. Thank you, good night!